Introducing the West Side Critic

In his perpetual mission to bring you the most relevant and biting commentary on our entropic and increasingly atavistic society, the Indignant Citizen is pleased to present for your viewing pleasure the first in what will be a series of occasional dispatches from the Western Front by our Special Correspondent, the West Side Critic . This is a large country, and the Indignant Citizen cannot cover it all by himself. The West Side Critic will offer his take on the flux of events and you will read with interest because he is intelligent and what he says makes Sense. So here, without further ado, the West Side Critic:

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So everything west of Chicago is a lot of territory to track. But what can the West Side Critic say? The WC gets the fuck around. The WC reads voraciously. The WC observes closely. The WC is willing to spew venom at all the pricks, cowards and powermongers who would destroy what essentially is a pretty OK country with a democratic tradition and a few lovely places to live in and to visit.

Tops on the WC’s mind today is the relationship, or lack thereof, between Americans and the American media – print, TV or otherwise.

That includes elected officials’ “relationship” with the American media. The electeds think the fucking press is their vehicle to pour bullshit upon the populace. No wonder. The media haven’t helped. Don’t believe me? Then start wondering why your “local” TV news is reporting about an elephant in Wisconsin that took a shit in the world’s largest toilet. Or consider the standard formula:

BEGINNING: A three-car pile-up killed 16 people and maimed another 30 on the freeway today. Doesn’t that suck? But the blood on the video looked rad. Now let’s go to a commercial about getting rid of hemorrhoids. MIDDLE: The weather will be sunny with patches of rain next week. We won’t be reporting on actual environmental issues, because that might require you to think. END: Three duckies were saved from a storm drain today, so all is well with the universe. OK, folks, this concludes our broadcast. You may now take your brain-dead ass to bed to prepare to get up for your soul-sucking corporate job. Don’t forget your morning Zoloft.

And newspapers? Not aggressive enough. These days it’s all about packaging, cutting stories, scrimping on staff to cover legislatures, local governments and business, and writing “talkers," stories that allow people to gather around the water cooler and talk about meaty subjects like the two-headed bat from Madagascar that has a knack for humming songs by Dave Matthews Band.

(OK. Even the WC will admit that’d be pretty fucking funny if it were true.)

Anyway. There are good newspapers out there fighting the good fight. And, yes, even some TV news reaches beyond the makeup and the teleprompter to tell stories about real people. So. The WC is here to tell all the electeds: Don’t shoot the messenger, bitches. If you fuck up, then expect to see it in print. Expect hard questions. Don’t invert stuff. You fucked up and got caught. If you don’t want to get investigated, then respect the public, respect democracy, do the right thing and don’t act like an asshole.

Now, the public isn’t off the hook, either. Heads up, Captain Head-In-The-Sand. Stop stuffing Doritos in your pie hole, turn off the “Friends” rerun, put the PlayStation 2 controller down and pull your head out of your ass.

There’s a world out there. There’s a war out there. The USA isn’t the only fucking country on the face of the earth. And, sorry, it isn’t necessarily the best. Yes, increasingly, you are living in the United States of Entertainment. But that’s a bad thing! Yes, occasionally the WC likes to cut loose, have a little fun, watch movies with big ‘splosions. But, Jesus, fight it once in a while. Read. Feed your head. For fuck’s sake, think!

And check this essay out to understand why our media – not to mention our Republic – has been in a downward spiral for quite some time. There’s hope, too, suggestions on what we might do – if we care, that is – to restore civic-mindedness and the press’ role in fostering it.

We’re here for only a short time, motherfuckers. Do we want to live it with our heads up our asses or do we believe in intellectual honesty, in thinking critically and in trying to make where we live a better place? What the WC knows is this: You can’t find intellectual honesty up your ass. Not even with a Thomas Bros. guide and a flashlight. So, again, pull your head out of there.

Whew. That was deep. The WC will now go away . . . for now.

Peace, bitches.