Anyone who reads Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti, including his coworkers, knows he is a tool. What do I mean by that? Let us consult the the Urban Dictionary.
The Urban Dictionary defines a tool in several ways, none of which exactly apply to Mariotti, but some get close. Actually first off, a number of the related words seem to fit, the most appropriate of which being “asshat.” In fact, if I figure out how to do it I may try to add Mariotti’s picture to the asshat illustrations. He’s a public figure, it’s fair comment and best of all from a legal defense standpoint it’s true. But I digress.
Where was I? Oh yes. Jay Mariotti is a tool. The second definition of “tool” in the Urban Dictionary fits Mariotti. He is certainly posing as a sports columnist, trying way too hard to be edgy. I doubt he dresses like Avril Lavigne, but the velour sweat suits I can see in those “private moments,” when he’s watching the TiVo recordings of himself over and over. Definition 7 would also seem to fit, except that the more I read him the more I believe he really is that unbalanced, to the point of nearly being unhinged.
It would be impossible to count Mariotti’s bombastic and self serving columns, or all the flip-flops he’s made in print, or the scandalous things he writes under the guise of “journalism” which are merely intended to garner attention for himself. On the one hand, it’s baffling to me that a major newspaper like the Sun-Times gives Mariotti space to vent his sad and vituperative commentary. Then again, it is the Sun-Times.
I’ve often thought that I should write about Mariotti’s toolness. Today’s rant about White Sox General Manager Ken Williams, and the increasingly hostile relationship between Mariotti and other members of the Sun-Times sports staff, convinced me it was time. I’ll deal with the column in a moment.
First, Mariotti likes to give the impression that he’s the only sports journalist in town with the guts to “tell it like it is.” He seems to stake most of this hard hitting reputation on his frequent willingness—some would call it eagerness—to criticize Ozzie Guillen, Ken Williams, Jerry Reinsdorf and the White Sox organization in general. Now, Guillen says some stupid things from time to time. No one would dispute that, not even Guillen. Is he crude? Yes. Does he have a foul mouth? Yes. Can he be immature when it comes to taking criticism? Absolutely. But he is hardly the only person in professional sports to exhibit these characteristics. I wish Guillen and the rest of the White Sox brass would just learn to ignore Mariotti, but they can’t seem to.
The stupid Guillen-Mariotti feud hit a low point in 2006 when Mariotti wrote a column about Guillen’s demotion of pitcher Sean Tracy to the minor leagues after a game in Texas. Guillen took exception and called Mariotti a lot of names, including “faggot.” Things went downhill from there and have been in the gutter pretty much ever since.
As an aside, Mariotti said during the hubub that he refused to go to the White Sox locker room because he had been physically threatened. I remember thinking at the time that Mariotti was grandstanding. So what if he had been threatened? Did he actually think a professional baseball player would kick his ass in the clubhouse? Dude, where’s your reporting sense … THAT would be a good story. I don’t think any of the White Sox at the time would have been dumb enough to do that, although I do recall the time, in 2003, when Rasheed Wallace was suspended for allegedly threatening referee Tim Donaghy on the loading dock of the Rose Garden in Portland. Donaghy, of course, was subsequently accused of betting on NBA games, and has now claimed that referees manipulated the outcome of the 2002 Western Conference Finals between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Sacramento Kings. Hey, this is pro sports these days; every twisted story has an even more twisted story connected to it.
But back to Mariotti. If I had a dollar for every time some lunkhead called someone he disagreed with a faggot, and then threatened to “kick his ass,” I’d buy the Sun-Times and … wait, that wouldn’t take much money. Bad example. Anyway, I suspect that the “faggot” insult crutch is often more a factor of a limited vocabulary than actual homophobia. Of course, we do tend to belittle what we fear, and we often fear that which is different from ourselves. Mariotti is certainly different. Not in an interesting or even intellectually challenging way, though. More just in an angry, lazy way.
Which brings us to Mariotti’s column today. It’s everything Sox fans, sports fans and legitimate journalists loathe about him. The hook for the column is an interview Kenny Williams gave, presumably Thursday night because the closest Mariotti comes to satisfying the “when?” question is “on the eve of” the Cubs-Sox series. Williams had some ill-advised comments about the differences between the two fan bases and the two teams. At one point, Sox beat writer Joe Cowley asked him if he would ever work for the Cubs. “That would be a betrayal,” Williams told him. “God, I would really, really have to need the job. Oh, wow, really need the job.”
And of course, Mariotti sticks it to Williams for his answer, ignoring the baiting nature of the second question and any reference to the question that elicited Williams’ comments about the two sides of town and the teams’ respective fan bases.
One thing that intrigues me about Mariotti’s columns is his total and shameless reliance on quotes collected by beat reporters and other columnists, which he then uses for his own purposes. Laughably (if you read the column), Mariotti even writes at one point, “This is why, as I've often concluded, that it's easy to like the Cubs and easy to loathe the Sox. I'm not talking about the fans or players but the people at the top. And I say that not as a fan of either team—repeat after me: media are not supposed to be fans—but as a neutral observer who continues to be amazed by the noxious fumes spread by Sox brass.”
“Neutral observer?” I thought you needed cable to get comedy like that. Here’s a sampling of what Mariotti considers “neutral”:
“… White Sox as the team no hotel concierge ever recommends.”
“…Sox still would be the second team in the Second City, a distinction that won't change in any of our lifetimes.”
“the Sox might make the postseason, they're clearly the auxiliary story as Chicago -- and America -- await the Cubs' fate in their dubious centennial.”
“classy Jim Hendry….”
“it's easy to like the Cubs and easy to loathe the Sox.”
“I guess it's better to play in a concrete blob with empty seats than a world-famous sports destination filled with bodies.”
Mariotti, swilling unrepentently from the Hypocrite Jug, saves his best for last, though. After spending the preceding 16 paragraphs and nearly 1,200 words being “neutral” in his criticism of Sox management, Mariotti writes, “For now, if you don't mind, I'd like to focus on a miracle I never thought I'd see in small newspaper type—CHICAGO atop one division, CHICAGO atop another division.”
Then he ended with, “The Cubs will let us do that this weekend. I'm not sure if Kenny and Ozzie have the ability to stay classy.” Neutral indeed. And definitely focusing on the battle of the first-place teams. I wouldn’t use him as an example of good journalism, but as an illustration of short attention span he’s perfect.
And it’s worth noting that Mariotti’s focus on the first-place teams lasted exactly that one sentence. After Friday’s game, which the Cubs tied and won on three solo home runs off Sox relievers, Mariotti retreated to his comfort zones: Criticizing Guillen’s management and pregame comments.
All Mariotti really accomplished on Friday, though, was to once again reinforce his lack of neutrality, his willful blindness as a baseball observer and his shortcomings as a journalist. Any consistent “neutral” reading of his work reveals that he is nothing but an angry, lazy hack.
Jay Mariotti is a tool.
The Indignant Citizen
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