The Indignant Citizen recently spent some time at the Chicago Auto Show, where he managed to prove that not all of the useless knowledge banging around in his skull is worthless. Some of it was worth the cost of a T-shirt, or about $12. The Indignant Citizen gathered with a hundred or so slobbering fools around the Dodge Challenger concept car . The standard second-rate blonde model in tight black pants went through her presentation, ending with a trivia question: The manual transmission shifter in the original Challenger was called a Pistol-Grip. What was the automatic transmission shifter called?
Thanks to a youth spent driving a muscle car in a town of even more muscular cars, the Indignant Citizen knew the answer was the “SlapStik.”
Of course, if someone gave the Indignant Citizen the $12 instead of the T-shirt, it would have bought about six gallons of super unleaded gas for the 1972 Dodge Challenger Rallye the Indignant Citizen’s hometown best friend drove through high school. Those six gallons would get that particular car, with its rebuilt 340-cubic-inch engine, between 54 and 60 miles down the road.
Things might not be much different if Dodge decides to build the Challenger concept as a new model. Most likely Dodge will stuff its 345-horsepower, 5.7-liter Hemi engine into the Challenger. That engine’s fuel economy statistics are “not available” in the pickup truck section of Dodge’s website, but in the SUV Durango it’s listed as 19 miles per gallon on the highway, 14 in the city. The Indignant Citizen’s best friend’s 1972 Challenger got about 12 miles per gallon on the highway and something like 7 or 9 miles per gallon in the “city.”
The Challenger concept was voted best concept car at the Chicago Auto Show, and no doubt if it’s built there will be a riot outside Dodge dealerships the day they arrive, gas mileage be damned. Because given a choice, there are still many, many people who will choose horsepower. Who wants a hybrid Honda Civic that gets 50 miles per gallon but can’t get out of its own way when you can own 350 cubic inches of burbling, growling energy that will produce a roar loud enough to suck the doors off a Kia and frighten small children from a quarter-mile away?
On the macadam there is no substitute for horsepower; massive, pavement-rippling amounts of it. This is America, where going fast and hard and loud is not only acceptable, it is encouraged. It is the Law.
And for now it is still possible. The price of gasoline has not broken through the invisible point at which your average speed freak will drool over the Ram Super Duty, study the gas mileage, and amble dejectedly over to the Hyundai dealership. Judging by the ratio of pickup trucks, SUVs and muscle cars at the auto show to more fuel-efficient models, we are still living in a time when, for most people, the EPA fuel economy numbers on the sticker are not even a tertiary consideration.
Chevy, by the way, may bring back the Camaro for 2009. A concept model was on display at the show. Additionally, Ford displayed a Shelby GT-500. Which means that in the not-too-distant future, car consumers will be able to choose from the Mustang, the Camaro and the Challenger. Hot damn, it’s like the 70s again! And what about the 70s? About the middle of the decade, there was a Middle East oil embargo, gas shortages and skyrocketing prices.
Thirty years later, events are coming full circle. Iran is threatening to cut its oil exports in response to international pressure to halt a uranium enrichment program. Iraq’s oil program continues to struggle to regain its footing. Venezuela’s president Hugo Chavez doesn’t much like the U.S. Attacks on oil workers in Nigeria sent gas prices soaring in Monday trading.
Maybe our way of life isn’t negotiable after all, even if someday we desire negotiation. It’s hard to deal when there’s no one willing to sit across the table.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Location Disclosed
Congratulations to Vice President Dick Cheney, the first and probably only winner of the Indignant Citizen’s Aaron Burr Award for Patriotic Marksmanship.
The Veep on Saturday accidentally shot a 78-year-old companion in the face while hunting quail in Texas . This, of course, being the Bush White House, Cheney didn’t even manage to kill the guy; he just injured the old man by pumping him with a few birdshot pellets. He visited the fellow in the hospital and then returned to Washington.
Way to go, Dick.
The Veep on Saturday accidentally shot a 78-year-old companion in the face while hunting quail in Texas . This, of course, being the Bush White House, Cheney didn’t even manage to kill the guy; he just injured the old man by pumping him with a few birdshot pellets. He visited the fellow in the hospital and then returned to Washington.
Way to go, Dick.
The Olympic ‘Me’ Awards
It’s that time again, Olympics time , time for the U.S. to pump up its psyche and measure its national virility in medal counts plastered on the front pages of lesser newspapers across the country.
The Indignant Citizen did not see the Chicago Sun-Times this morning, but the Tribune thankfully relegated the first day’s medal count to the front page of the four-page Olympic wrap around the regular sports section. The paper couldn’t resist throwing a three-column wide, 12-inch tall photo of a jubilant Chad Hedrick, a 28-year-old speed skater, in the middle of the front page, under the headline “First Gold.”
Let the celebratory dick swinging begin.
Actually, the Indignant Citizen has nothing against the national pride in Olympic achievement. The IC finds a lot to appreciate in the performances of most of the Olympians, with a couple of exceptions he has identified in the early going.
For starters, who the fuck is Shani Davis ? The Indignant Citizen opened his Olympic wrap this morning and read about this punk-ass bitch Chicago native who sold out his speed skating teammates by refusing to participate in the inaugural “team pursuit,” which according to the Tribune story is a two-day event. Davis, who has had some well-publicized differences with U.S. speed skating officials, has chosen the “me” over the “we,” severely limiting teammate Hedrick’s chances to win five gold medals this Olympics and more disturbingly effectively ruining teammate K.C. Boutiette’s chances of winning his first ever medal in what will be his final Olympic games.
Clearly, Davis is talented, but just as clearly he’s a self-centered asshole in this for himself. Being a self-centered asshole is not in the Olympic spirit. He’s just looking to get his gold and get paid, so fuck him. The best medicine for this prick would be to bite it on a corner (without injuring himself, of course) and leave the Olympics with no medal. Then maybe he can spend the next four years reflecting on his abandonment of his teammates.
Originally The Indignant Citizen planned to carp about how figure skater Michelle Kwan took a spot on the figure skating team even though she was injured and did not compete in the U.S. championships. Kwan’s injury carried over to Torino and she failed to land four of her first five triple jump attempts in practice on Saturday.
In sharp contrast to Davis, though, Kwan did what was best for the team: She withdrew from competition and left Torino on Sunday. Taking her place will be 17-year-old Emily Hughes, the younger sister of 2002 gold medal figure skater Sarah Hughes. Kwan bowed out even though it means she will probably never win the gold medal she sought for so long. A move like that takes class and guts. The Indignant Citizen tips his White Sox World Series Champions cap to Michelle Kwan.
The Indignant Citizen did not see the Chicago Sun-Times this morning, but the Tribune thankfully relegated the first day’s medal count to the front page of the four-page Olympic wrap around the regular sports section. The paper couldn’t resist throwing a three-column wide, 12-inch tall photo of a jubilant Chad Hedrick, a 28-year-old speed skater, in the middle of the front page, under the headline “First Gold.”
Let the celebratory dick swinging begin.
Actually, the Indignant Citizen has nothing against the national pride in Olympic achievement. The IC finds a lot to appreciate in the performances of most of the Olympians, with a couple of exceptions he has identified in the early going.
For starters, who the fuck is Shani Davis ? The Indignant Citizen opened his Olympic wrap this morning and read about this punk-ass bitch Chicago native who sold out his speed skating teammates by refusing to participate in the inaugural “team pursuit,” which according to the Tribune story is a two-day event. Davis, who has had some well-publicized differences with U.S. speed skating officials, has chosen the “me” over the “we,” severely limiting teammate Hedrick’s chances to win five gold medals this Olympics and more disturbingly effectively ruining teammate K.C. Boutiette’s chances of winning his first ever medal in what will be his final Olympic games.
Clearly, Davis is talented, but just as clearly he’s a self-centered asshole in this for himself. Being a self-centered asshole is not in the Olympic spirit. He’s just looking to get his gold and get paid, so fuck him. The best medicine for this prick would be to bite it on a corner (without injuring himself, of course) and leave the Olympics with no medal. Then maybe he can spend the next four years reflecting on his abandonment of his teammates.
Originally The Indignant Citizen planned to carp about how figure skater Michelle Kwan took a spot on the figure skating team even though she was injured and did not compete in the U.S. championships. Kwan’s injury carried over to Torino and she failed to land four of her first five triple jump attempts in practice on Saturday.
In sharp contrast to Davis, though, Kwan did what was best for the team: She withdrew from competition and left Torino on Sunday. Taking her place will be 17-year-old Emily Hughes, the younger sister of 2002 gold medal figure skater Sarah Hughes. Kwan bowed out even though it means she will probably never win the gold medal she sought for so long. A move like that takes class and guts. The Indignant Citizen tips his White Sox World Series Champions cap to Michelle Kwan.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Choices
It seems clear, moreso every day, that the world is hurtling toward an abyss. We live in a time of almost unprecedented fear and violence, yet most people seem not to care. They are more interested in picking up the latest issue of Vanity Fair to see pictures of nude Hollywood stars, or discussing why Britney was driving with her baby on her lap, or marveling at how Kobe Bryant scored 81 points in a basketball game.
Meanwhile, as we breathe today, Muslims are rioting across Europe, the Middle East and Asia because newspapers in Denmark, France and elsewhere have published cartoon images of the prophet Muhammad .
Our own government, founded on the principle of freedom from tyranny, maintains it can spy on us at will without a court order, detain us secretly and indefinitely, and make laws based on the religious beliefs of the majority, all without checks or balances from the legislative or judicial branches.
We are fighting a vague, neverending war against terrorism, a war with no boundaries, no timeline, no victories—only casualties. To pay for it, we are issuing debt that will burden future generations and that threatens the financial stability of the government and the nation.
America is consuming its way to poverty, using ever more land and more energy in a quest to give each person exactly the life he or she desires, the greater good be damned. U.S. citizens live in a time of choice unequaled in human history. We can choose where to live, what to drive, how we get our news, who to associate with and who to ignore, and when to do any of it.
And given this incredible gift of choice, we have fucked up beyond the wildest nightmares of those who have fought to guarantee our right to choose. Look at us: We have chosen a sprawling disconnected suburban growth model that relies on inefficient personal transportation to function over compact, integrated, walkable communities linked by mass transit.
We have chosen to define the American Dream in terms of property and possessions instead of in terms of an ideal where everyone has an equal chance to succeed, regardless of background.
At almost every opportunity we have chosen violence over diplomacy; war over peace.
We have chosen the politics of division rather than inclusion.
We have chosen infotainment over news.
We have chosen a vague “essential truth” over the actual truth.
We’ve chosen the “me” over the “we”.
For as much as we brag about our freedom to choose, we’ve not done a good job showing we’re responsible enough to handle it.
The bitch about being able to choose, and constantly choosing poorly, is that eventually natural law will catch up, and deal the appropriate punishment. That time is coming, although we probably won’t know it until it’s here, since we’ll be too busy with ourselves and our silly lives to notice.
If we choose to listen, there are voices to guide us toward better choices. Voices urging peace and reason. They are hard to hear above the din of our clattering world, but they are worth listening for.
The Indignant Citizen will, in the coming days, examine some of our choices. He will pass judgment on them. He will suggest alternatives. People can choose to listen … or not.
Meanwhile, as we breathe today, Muslims are rioting across Europe, the Middle East and Asia because newspapers in Denmark, France and elsewhere have published cartoon images of the prophet Muhammad .
Our own government, founded on the principle of freedom from tyranny, maintains it can spy on us at will without a court order, detain us secretly and indefinitely, and make laws based on the religious beliefs of the majority, all without checks or balances from the legislative or judicial branches.
We are fighting a vague, neverending war against terrorism, a war with no boundaries, no timeline, no victories—only casualties. To pay for it, we are issuing debt that will burden future generations and that threatens the financial stability of the government and the nation.
America is consuming its way to poverty, using ever more land and more energy in a quest to give each person exactly the life he or she desires, the greater good be damned. U.S. citizens live in a time of choice unequaled in human history. We can choose where to live, what to drive, how we get our news, who to associate with and who to ignore, and when to do any of it.
And given this incredible gift of choice, we have fucked up beyond the wildest nightmares of those who have fought to guarantee our right to choose. Look at us: We have chosen a sprawling disconnected suburban growth model that relies on inefficient personal transportation to function over compact, integrated, walkable communities linked by mass transit.
We have chosen to define the American Dream in terms of property and possessions instead of in terms of an ideal where everyone has an equal chance to succeed, regardless of background.
At almost every opportunity we have chosen violence over diplomacy; war over peace.
We have chosen the politics of division rather than inclusion.
We have chosen infotainment over news.
We have chosen a vague “essential truth” over the actual truth.
We’ve chosen the “me” over the “we”.
For as much as we brag about our freedom to choose, we’ve not done a good job showing we’re responsible enough to handle it.
The bitch about being able to choose, and constantly choosing poorly, is that eventually natural law will catch up, and deal the appropriate punishment. That time is coming, although we probably won’t know it until it’s here, since we’ll be too busy with ourselves and our silly lives to notice.
If we choose to listen, there are voices to guide us toward better choices. Voices urging peace and reason. They are hard to hear above the din of our clattering world, but they are worth listening for.
The Indignant Citizen will, in the coming days, examine some of our choices. He will pass judgment on them. He will suggest alternatives. People can choose to listen … or not.
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